If you want to improve your relationship then there are a few steps you can take. Whether you’re in a new relationship, or whether you have been with someone for over a decade, it’s never too late for you to improve your relationship.
Spend some Time Together
People fall in love by looking at each other and by listening. If you continue to do this and if you can be attentive then you will soon find that it is possible for you to sustain the experience of falling in love. You may even find that you have fond memories of when you were first dating and this can help you out quite a lot. A lot of couples find that the face-to-face conversations that they used to have in the early dating days are replaced by quick texts and emails. These do not impact your nervous system in the same way. Sending a text or a voice message to your partner telling them how much you love them is great, but at the end of the day, if you never sit with them or talk to them then this can lead to you both feeling distanced. The emotional cues you need to feel loved can only really be conveyed in person, so it doesn’t matter how busy your life gets, you still need to take the time to carve out the time you can spend with each other.
Stay Connected
Good communication is so important if you want to have a healthy relationship. When you experience a positive emotional connection with your partner, you will feel safe and happy. When people stop talking and communicating, they will then stop relating, and this can bring a lot of disconnect. It may sound simple but as long as you are talking to each other, you should be able to work through the difficulties you are facing. Another thing you can do is tell your partner what you need. You shouldn’t be making them guess. It’s not easy for you to talk about what you need sometimes but it can be a very good way for you to work through feelings of vulnerability. Look at things from your partner’s point of view. If you can provide them with comfort and understanding then this shows that being with them is a pleasure and not a burden.
If you have known each other for quite some time then you can probably assume that your partner has a good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. With that in mind, your partner cannot read minds. While they may be able to guess, you need to be direct with them so you can avoid confusion. If you feel as though you and your partner have been on different pages for quite some time and you find that communication has broken down to the point where you are now seeking a divorce, then make sure that you hire a lawyer as they can do a lot of the communicating for you.
Nonverbal Cues
So much of communication is transmitted by what you don’t say. At the end of the day, nonverbal cues should include eye contact, posture, gestures and tone of voice. When you can pick up on your partner’s body language you will then be able to tell them how you are feeling and you can then respond accordingly. If you want your relationship to work then it is so important that you understand how you and your partner differ. If you have had a very stressful day then you may like to talk it out, but on the other hand, your partner may prefer to go out on a walk. If you can keep things like this in mind then it’ll benefit you quite a lot.
Listen
Sometimes, all you have to do is listen. If you can learn to listen in a way that makes someone else feel valued and somewhat understood then this will help you to build a much stronger connection. There is a huge difference between actively listening in this way and simply hearing. When you truly listen, you will be engaged with what is being said. You will be able to hear the subtle intonations within your partner’s voice and you will also be able to tell how they are feeling. Being a good listener doesn’t mean that you have to agree but it does mean that you have to find some common ground or common points of view, so you can take the time to resolve conflict.
Manage Stress
When you are stressed out, or when you are emotionally overwhelmed, you are far more likely to misread your partner. You may even find that you end up sending off-putting signals which is the last thing you need. If you can, you need to learn how to manage stress and you also need to return to a calm state if possible. If you can do this then you will be able to avoid such regrets. You can also deal with misunderstandings so you can keep your partner calm, as well as yourself when tempers build.
Give and Take
If you expect to get what you want, all of the time then you will be setting yourself up for failure and disappointment too. At the end of the day, healthy relationships tend to be built on compromise. It takes work though, to make sure that there is a reasonable amount of exchange. It helps to know what is important to your partner so you can then build a lot of goodwill. On the flip side, you also need to allow your partner to recognise the wants that you have, and for you to state them very clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your mental health will only build anger and resentment over time.
Don’t make it your Goal to Win
If your general approach to your partner is negative, or if you are constantly trying to win to have things your way or else then this will make it difficult for you to reach a compromise. Sometimes attitudes such as this come from not having your own needs met when you were younger. Eventually, you may find that your relationship ends up reaching boiling point and this can work against you quite a lot. If you want to do something about this then remember, it is fine for you to have strong opinions or convictions about something but at the same time, your partner deserves to be heard too.
Learn how to Resolve Conflict
Conflict is inevitable. If you want to keep your relationship going then you need to make sure that everyone feels heard. The goal is not for you to win, but for you to maintain and strengthen the relationship you have. Make sure that any fighting is fair and keep your focus on the issue at hand so you can work through it. Do not argue or fight over things that cannot be changed because if you do then you may find that this works against you overall. Don’t attack someone directly and use “I” statements so you can talk about how you feel fairly. If you can do this then you will soon find that it is easier for you to get the result you want out of your talks. Of course, if you find talking hard then one thing you can do is go to see a counselor. They can then give you the support you need.
